Warmth of Family
by CharmyPI-5 the VIII
Summary: Last Christmas was less then ideal for Donnie, and he's never forgotten it. But this year, somethings have changed and he finds himself hearing words he never thought he would hear. Bro-fluff and set in the 2007 movie verse


My first Christmas/Holiday fic! I hope you all enjoy it! This story is dedicated my readers in Unbreakable, and to MarietheManiac and Guardian of the Crest for all their help in the last year

**Mikey**, "I think i just now realized you're 'paragraph' breakers look like turtle shells

**Charmy**, "Isnt' it cute?"

**Raph**,"So cute I might puke."

* * *

_A chill went over his arms. Don put his hands over them in a mild attempt to appease the cold air. It was a personal rule of his, when it was only him in the Lair he didn't' turn the heat on. The only electronic thing alive at the moment was the radio on his desk, set at the lowest volume and pushing out static Christmas music, but it was powered by battery rather then by outlet. The energy was far too valuable to use on one turtle. _

_One single turtle_

_Raph was out again, despite their sensei's warnings, their sensei was drinking tea with April ( Splinter had invited him along, but Donnie had a shift he couldn't avoid) and Mikey was out with some other "Entertainment Industry" co-workers. So it wasn't' like he was abandoned._

_But it sure felt that way. _

_It added every time that Splinter would walk by, a sympathetic glance, Donnie knew there was disappointment in that action. Almost a apology for the position he had been put under .The angry side glances he'd get from Raph, the resentment of Leo's choice still plaguing him. A despair he would of shared with Donnie had he not been the reason. Mikey missed Leo more then anything. But he was loyal as could be. The constant spirit trying to keep everyone's spirits up. It seemed to work on Raph. The largest brother would reach out and rub Mikey's' scalp with a tired smirk. On the nights that Leos' absence weighed heaviest, Donnie would hold him in his arms and let him cry himself to sleep. Soft assurances that their oldest brother would be back. That was his role now. To sit in the dark and let the sound of cheap music make up for the constant chatter that used to fill the lair_

_Two days before Christmas_

_By tomorrow the Lair would be filled with louder music, with warmth. With Raph, Mikey, Splinter. Maybe even April and Casey, all trying to pretend the last year hadn't happened. And Donnie would do the same, he'd smile and hand out the gifts that he used his hard earned money to get._

_For one night he'd try to forget the last year_

_For one night he'd pretend to be happy._

_Donnie pushed away from his desktop. In the last year, his source of joy had turned into a source of stigma. A station where he could get screamed at by customers. All for a meager salary. All because Leo thought that it was best for HIM to lead. A tremble in his lips and a blurring of vision. A crack in the stone demeanor he had spent the last year creating._

_In the dark_

_In the cold_

_When the memories came back._

_Scarred brothers_

_The desperate future he had seen. The one he had spent 4 years trying to prevent. Under _

_the strength that he was needed. Wanted. _

_In the dark _

_In the cold_

_All that assurance went away._

_It faded as he drew his knees in. dead tucking down as Don's mask became heavy with running tears. His body curling up into a tiny ball. _

_In the cold _

_In the dark_

_He was always alone._

_(#)(#)(#)(#)_

"Don?"

Don snapped his eyes back awake. Looking over to the door to his bedroom. The blue masked turtle smiling at him with a dark blue scarf tied around his neck. His face was flustered in a way that marked rare excitement, "I thought you were only laying down for a bit?"

"I must of fallen asleep," he put on a smile and curled his arms under him lightly to move to a more upright position. His mask had slid down over his eye, making his suspicions true he reached up and alined the eye holes correctly. It had almost a year since that dream had been reality. How many nights had he to relive that scenario? Maybe without the Christmas Msic and the hope of Christmas around the corner, but still repeated so many times.

Too many for that taste

Too soon to smile about. But he put one on anyway. It was almost as instinctual as catching a blow to his face in his fist. Leo was back now so hopefully those memories would stay just that, "How long was I asleep?"

"About a hour. Sorry I know you've been putting in a lot of hours lately, "Leo moved over reaching out. Donnie smiled and reached up to take it. Allowing his oldest brother to help him to his feet, "Why is it so cold in here?"

"I turned down the heat to my room. It was boiling-"

"Donnie." In came the exasperated Leo knows best followed by trademark arms cross and head tilted down lightly. Leo went over to the door where the thermostat to Don's room sat. his fingers going up to move to a temperature that was probably higher then Don's liking. But Who was he to argue with "fearless" for no reason? "I don't' want to wake up to a turticicle as a brother." he smiled back over at him, "Besides, everyone's out in the lair enjoying the Christmas party. You should be with us."

"I was planning on it." Donnie picked up the purple scarf from his chair (April had decided to go 'home made' this year with her gifts, which ended up with warm but scratchy scarves for all) and looped it around his neck. He was about to head for the door when he almost ran into a hard shell. Making him stumble back lightly, "hey! Leo what's-" he paused when he saw Leo looking over to his desk. Leo gave him a thoughtful look before going over to his desk. Pulling open a drawer that made Don groan lightly, "Leo-"

"I thought Master Splinter told you to keep your inhaler on you when it gets this cold out?"

"I thought I told YOU I haven't had a asthma attack in 2 years," He hated lyging about that, the truth was he had a few more then a few asthma attacks in Leo's absence. But because of his access to asthma mediation and spending most of his nights alone, no one was the wiser, " I'll be fine-"

"It wasn't this COLD last year. Just humor us, or atleast me." Leo held out the familiar purple inhaler. Covered in stickers from his youth. Donnie wanted to roll his eyes (his eyes hurt from trying not to) but instead he took the inhaler and tucked it into his belt," Happy?"

"Very." his eyes said so. Finally Leo headed out. Don close behind reaching back at the last minute to turn and turn the light off to his room. No point in wasting energy-

"Don its about time!"

The exuberant sound of Mikey made him look over. The tree was set just off next to the

TV, (where Mikey could watch his presents AND the TV at the same time). Casey and April were standing by the TV chatting, Splinter and Raph occupied the couch while Mikey bounced around to the table to get more snacks into his mouth. Don smiled again and hurried on over, "sorry sorry. Cold blooded and all that-" he went over to the low table and quickly scooped a cup of eggnog into his hand. A hard tug on his mask sent him flying back, his shell bouncing off soft cushion, "hey-"

"Take a load off bro." Don could practically hear Raph smiling. It was good to have the old Raph back for a change. The struggles of the "Winters Incident" leaving all resentment behind him. Don smiled back at him before sitting up straighter. He was lucky he hadn't spilled any liquid on him.

"Can we open presents yet!? Please please please I've been waiting FOREVER-"

"You've been waiting 24 days and you can wait a few hours longer." it was also nice to have someone else lecture Mikey for a change. God Bless Leo and being 2 ovaries short of being a mother. Don sipped his eggnog lightly. Even though it was a festivity holiday thing, he wouldn't mind keeping more around. It was better tasting then those energy drinks that Mikey and Raph kept trying to get him to drink all the time. And they thought coffee was a unhealthy obsession-

A hand suddenly yanked on his cup lightly. This time the liquid really did splash up, catching his chin and scarf, he quickly pulled the cup away from him to prevent further contamination with a irritated look to his older brother, "Leo-"

"Not yet not yet." Leo yanked his cup out of his hand long enough to refill the cup and put it back into his hands, "Not yet-"

"Its not even spiked-"

"I know, I was the one who stopped Casey and Raph in time remember?" seesh Leo was almost glowing. The holidays were about the only time of year when a constant smile stayed on Leos' face. His cheeks were rosy enough now to rival legendary Saint Nick-

"Attention! Attention!" a cup in the air, Leo tapped a spook against it lightly. Which did nothing for the plastic disposable cup. But it was enough to cease Casey and Aprils talking and Mikey's wild begging coming to a end, "I understand its been a long year. But a year like this deserve a few words-"

"They'd probably be better if you let us enhance our drinks!" came the playful banter from Casey. Which earned him a reached over high five from Raph (along with a 'AMEN!') and a slap in the shoulder from April (along with a "CASEY JONES!"). Don smile over at them with a laugh. One thing would never change. Even if Casey was now chained to his new wife-

"-I know this year hasn't' been easy on any of us. We faced things that, if we TOLD anyone would get us sent to a mental ward.. "(another shout from Casey, "We already live in one Leo!" followed by more laughter) And our family hasn't had it easy it either. And I know there was a point where we didn't know what would become of it, and it probably WOULD of fallen apart" Don looked back to his mug ,could he risk a sip and not get 'nog blocked' again-,

"Had it not been for Donnie."

Don's mug splashed again, his carefully pursed lips squirting out lightly and making his drink splash again. His hand going up to wipe his mouth, what had that been!? What did Leo say?!

"As you know, I was the one who chose Donnie to lead in my absence. I chose him to lead because I believed him to be the best choice at the time."

Aw man, why was Leo pulling HIM into the line of 'banter'? He didn't need the jokes.-'

"And that is one decision I will never regret."

What? Donnie looked back up. His shoulders raised up lightly. Was this a joke? Humor? It was bad enough to have that dream, that memory still in the corner of his mind. He didn't feel like being reminded of his failures. He lowered the cup lightly. But that's when he realized something.

The laughter was over

The begging had stopped.

All eyes in that room were on him.

If Leo's cheeks rivaled Saint Nick, then Donnie's rivaled a tomato. He moved deeper into the couch. Hoping to find that hole that Mikey had covered up years ago. Maybe he could fall through it and escape-

A arm went around his shoulders, hugging him roughly into a familiar side. Almost choking him off around the neck. A clawed soft hand squeezing his knee lightly. Dons' eyes almost crossed, looking up lightly to familiar gold grinning eyes of Raphael. Then over to Master Splinter his lips turned up in a smile.

Proud eyes

"He carried his duties as Leader with devotion that marks a true ninja. Even though it wasn't easy, he kept our family together, his cool head soaking the hot tempers that flared off and warm nature keeping our Lair warm. Taking on the worst job in the freaking world just to make sure our family was provided for. it wasn't a easy job, and I know that my extended leave didn't help. but you still stayed commired to our family."

Don probably would have been out of the room in a instant if Raph didn't have such a tight grip on his shoulders. He could feel his breath coming in tighter, his lungs constricting with heavy heartbeats. Donnie never had to deal with stage fright but he would of bet this was IT. His vision began to blur. If he could of retracted into his shell he would of .Donnie just wanted someone to look away. ANYONE. It was the only time in his life that he was acutaly finding himself begging for Mikey to say a joke. Something to make Raph chase him, to bring back the laughter and jokes. Anything was better then this-

"-I'm just trying to say, I'm proud of you Donnie. I'm proud to call you my second in command, one of my best friends and my little brother."

Calm down calm down. Don ordered himself. Gripping his thigh with enough strength to almost numb his entire leg. When was this going to be over!? He could still feel the dream in the back of his mind. Haunting his shaking hands-

"To Donatello-'

NONONONONONO. Just by looking at their shadows, Donnie knew they were raising their cheap glasses. NO, he didn't deserve that. He wanted everyone to stop looking at him. He wanted to beg them to look away-

He found a hitch as he struggled with his breath. He tried again but his airway refused to work right, light coughs escaping his lips. OH shell shell why?! Don's hands went down to his belt, feeling around, smoke bomb, knife, iphone, t-phone ,Mikey's confiscated stink bomb-. His fingers brushed against familiar plastic. He pulled it out and shook the inhaler, closing his burning eyes to stop the liquid from escaping-

Don felt a hand go over his ,pushing the inhaler to his mouth, a thumb over the nozzle. He mechanically drew in a breath, holding it in his lungs. Dam it someone was even helping him with his inhaler?! His pounding head began to ease, it took him a bit to realize there was a buzzing, Multiple voices going around. The voices becoming coherent-

"-thought you said you didn't spike the eggnog?!"

"I didn't! I swear babe!"

"Is he having a asthma attack?! Leo!"

"I didn't-I mean-"

Donnie let out his breath. His eyes burning with tears. This was too embarrassing, oh shell he just wanted everyone to look away. His head swirling with unreadable chaos. A small sob escaped his lips, his hand going to his eyes. Hoping to find the tear outlet to plug up the dam leak. But that seemed to make them run faster over his hands his shoulders began to shake. Elbows resting on his knees.

A arm draped over his shoulder dragging him over to fit into a familiar side, another hand wrapping around to push the side of his face into a shoulder. A forehead resting against his, a small laugh. OH shell even Raph was laughing? Don would of forced out a word if Raph's hand went around to rest on the back of his head. Donnie couldn't stop the sobs. His lips quivering.

"Don't cry Donnie," he could hear a small laughter behind Raph's soft voice, "Come'on its alright." don't laugh Raph, its not funny. Donnie thought angrily. He couldn't bear the stares. He could barely hear them but they were still talking. Trying to talk to him. To tell him that it was aright. But it wasn't, but it was. Don pulled his forehead away from Raph's to burry it into his shoulder. Hugging him back with enough strength to choke a foot ninja. His sobs growing heavier his shaking.

He felt a pair of hands going to his neck, separate from the ones holding him. He felt Mikey's' warm hand squeeze his knee alongside Splinters. He felt a Leo's rubbing his neck. Massaging it with apologies. Filled with stutters that normally marked Don when he was younger. Donnie took a deeper breath, hugging Raph even tighter. Though if he had the ability, he'd be holding each of his brothers as tightly as he could.

But right now?

Right now he never felt so warm

* * *

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas from Charmy!


End file.
